So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
