I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
