Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
