So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
