I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
