life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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