Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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