that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
