so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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