No awkward lesbian experiences without me
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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