Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
