oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
