Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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