Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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