I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
