you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
