Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
