you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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