Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
