I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
