i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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