I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
