I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
sex in a hospital.. check
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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