there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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