Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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