well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
