dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
