and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
