I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
