see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
