I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
