kristin has been a bad kristin
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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