That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
