Kiss
Puke
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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