im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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