my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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