If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
