dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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