i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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