The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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