worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
