it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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