my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
