I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
