I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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