If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
