Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
