I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
