God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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