This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
